Who is it that tells you?
is it yourself. the voice inside your head that tells you to put that bottle there and this bottle here ......
is it your husband
is it your child
is it your family
what about your friends
what if you know but really just don't want to stop forever because you remember what it was ike before. That was worse than it is now. Is it? thinking back. Is it?
Remember the nights alone. The social evenings out (not). The clumsy. Yup - you can tell when I am sober. Can't form a sentence without stumbling over words and trip over my own feet.
but ..........
2 comments:
Ah yes. Me I made a conscious decision in Sept 2005 that I was done with all of it. All of it. Everything. I had I think 3-maybe 4 nights in Winnipeg where I sadly ended up ingesting inhuman amounts of tequila and hard liquor and each time was quickly reminded why this is bad bad bad. John cleaned me up, took care of me then chastised me well the following days and weeks after each breakdown. I believe since the last one its been almost exactly 4 yrs now?
What I learned from it, and from all the bad years before, was that its part of my reactive personality. I'd drink (or worse) to escape something, and instead it made it glaringly worse. I've learned instead to write it out, talk it out, dream it out, meditate it out, stare at it and try to fix it in a constructive way. I can truly say now that I have zero need, zero want, zero interest in any of it. I can have an occasional glass of wine when out for dinner (and I mean like one every oh 4 or 6 months?) but I'm quite content to discard all of that from my life.
And yes. Only you can do it.
i did it before - sober for 5 years without so much as a liquor chocolate ......... i remember all the good that came with it. i also remember the not good that came with it and the end result.
So I struggle
Post a Comment