If you could go back in time to specific spot in your past, what would you choose?
I would choose to go back to the spring of 2002, when Mr Big and I first started dating. To the day he told me it wasn't going to work between us anymore than just friends. I was good with it. I mean ya, it hurt - but we had only been dating a very short time and I was good with it. then I talked to my brother. Then my dad, who told me to make it work ................. so I fought for it. I wish I never had. The continuation of that dead relationship killed me in the end and brought me to this place. Not taht this place is a bad place, but there are some things ................... maybe the place I am in now, trying for a baby and buying a home with my husband would have been happening a few years ago. Perhaps had I not spent so much time being trapped by my own emotions, I would have continued on in a more healthy way. Spent those years investing that time with someone that loved me. Or just on my own. Maybe I never would have started drinking again...............
I wonder how things would be now if I had just continued to let that relationship be as I had wanted to. Over. Kept my dignity and pride in place and not allowed myself to be used for the next 3 years after that. Trapped by the fear of being alone.
There are no do overs in life. No Re writes. I knew at that moment, when it was happening, that it was a turning point. I had had them before. I was in a strong place and was able to just let it go with minor emotional injury. I listened to people I trusted..............I was wrong.
Time does run out. There is not always tomorrow or later
I would choose to go back to the spring of 2002, when Mr Big and I first started dating. To the day he told me it wasn't going to work between us anymore than just friends. I was good with it. I mean ya, it hurt - but we had only been dating a very short time and I was good with it. then I talked to my brother. Then my dad, who told me to make it work ................. so I fought for it. I wish I never had. The continuation of that dead relationship killed me in the end and brought me to this place. Not taht this place is a bad place, but there are some things ................... maybe the place I am in now, trying for a baby and buying a home with my husband would have been happening a few years ago. Perhaps had I not spent so much time being trapped by my own emotions, I would have continued on in a more healthy way. Spent those years investing that time with someone that loved me. Or just on my own. Maybe I never would have started drinking again...............
I wonder how things would be now if I had just continued to let that relationship be as I had wanted to. Over. Kept my dignity and pride in place and not allowed myself to be used for the next 3 years after that. Trapped by the fear of being alone.
There are no do overs in life. No Re writes. I knew at that moment, when it was happening, that it was a turning point. I had had them before. I was in a strong place and was able to just let it go with minor emotional injury. I listened to people I trusted..............I was wrong.
Time does run out. There is not always tomorrow or later
2 comments:
I don't think we can spend time looking backwards. Although I do, a lot, but I know in my mind that it isn't useful its just the heart that sits there painfully looking at what you did or didn't do or should or shouldnt have done. Everything for a reason. The only thing we can ask ourselves is what did we learn? What was the lesson there?
I like to learn, but there comes a time when you just don't want to learn anymore.
looking back is ok - living backwards is not. I had been feeling very retrospective and was spending a lot of time trying to think about my body and the different things I have felt with it over the last 15 years.
I remember the very first clotty wacky not like me period I ever had. When the periods start to change is the first sign of peri-menopause - it was in January of 1998 - i know this because, i got pregnant with Charlotte the following month.
I was 28
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